she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
