You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
