dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize