i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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