Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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