Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
