He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
