...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
