Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
