i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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