Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
