there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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