he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
