your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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