Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
