You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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