this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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