That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
