I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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