she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
