i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
should my penis look like a turkey
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
