I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
