I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Houston, we have a squirter
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
