This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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