this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
