my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
