rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
