I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
