I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
