I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
