Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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