Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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