She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
