all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
