i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I stole a fireplace last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
