So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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