??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
