i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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