All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
