cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
