So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
