i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sex in a hospital.. check
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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