Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh god it's open bar.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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