brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
