Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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