He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
