You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize