omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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