i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
