ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
