he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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