so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
