On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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