i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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