then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
