Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize