i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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