Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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