I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
