I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
love makes seman taste better
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think people are normalizing furries
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
