i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
