What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize