Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
