Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize