I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
