Me. At least after what I've been through.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize