Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
