It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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