The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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