What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So much rum. So many feels.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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