This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
